This year I will be getting married. My fiancé is not Straight Edge, but she has been extremely acceptive of my choice. She doesn't smoke but occasionally has a drink when out with friends. When I chose to be Straight Edge I found it difficult to date, especially in New York, as many girls here drink and find it odd when a guy doesn't drink.
I try to eat very healthy and try to be completely poison free when I eat. I don't eat fried foods, I am lactose intolerant, and I won't eat any food that has been cooked with alchohol (even if it has been cooked off completely.) My fiancé has always been helpful whenever we are out someplace or visiting people to make sure that there is something I can eat and that it doesn't contain alcohol.
Being Straight Edge with someone that is not could lead to a difficult relationship with some people; I have read instances online of other Edgers that have had to leave partners because they weren't accepting enough or that they didn't completely understand.
I'm writing this post mainly to just speak to the fact that being SxE and marrying someone that is not SxE can work. I'd like to know about other SxE people that have had good and bad experiences with non-edge partners as well as those that have found a SxE partner and feel that that has been best for them.
January 13, 2008
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14 comments:
MY wife isn't edge. And we get along great. She at first thought it was weird that I was edge and vegitarian (which she is too now )But she was cool with it. She said she had never dated a guy who didn't smoke and drink. She understands how much it means to me. I never preach to her or anything of that nature. (she maybe drinks 4 times a year tops). So its not really an issue for us. But if she was full blown dependent on it I could see it not working real quick.
But it is harder to date when your edge. Just like I'm sure its a lot harder for us to make friends. I have very few friends. Everybody I work with drinks or smokes or something. So we don't hang out I just hang out w/ friends at shows. Or my friends from back home. But we all knew that would happen when we decieded to be edge.
I dont seem to have the same problems as you guys. I have plenty of friends and women have never had a problem with me being edge (and I dont have ANY edge friends).
It might be because I have no expectations for others as far as how much they drink or smoke. Straight Edge is my choice, not anyone else's. So if someone likes to drink or smoke alot, it wont effect my opinion of them at all.
My choice hasn't effected my social life at all, as I still do the same activities I did before I changed my life. The only difference is that I dont drink or smoke while I do those activities.
A lot of times it can be hard to connect with someone that doesn't share our beliefs, not because we can't handle how they act, but rather they can't handle our choice.
I think it all boils down to it's something that people struggle to understand. Drinking especially is something so deeply rooted in our culture that rebelling against it can really throw some people off.
It is our choice and shouldn't really effect how we judge other people within reason. The issue arises when they have a hard time understanding or accepting that we don't fall under the umbrella of normal social behavior (i.e social drinking etc). I personally would never push my ideals on anyone but can't count the number of times I've been preached and pressured to go the other way, even at my age (25). How often I get asked question after question when meeting someone new in a place that serves drinks.
I really have so much more I could say on the topic.
I think Matt made a great point about people struggling to understand.
Before I got married dating was like a horror show. I didn't know any girls who were edge & since I don't introduce myself by saying 'hi, im rob, i'm straightedge' it wouldn't come up till after we were on the date. I'm don't force my beliefs on others so when a date would start droning on about clubbing, drinking, getting wasted, etc my eyes would just glaze over.
When I met the girl I'd soon be marrying we had alot in common as far as views on the world & personal lifestyles go...but she wasn't straightedge. she'd have wine with dinner now & then. eventually after months of her & I talking & her learning more about the philosophy & listening to my music she decided she wanted to claim edge.
I know I would have married her even if she hadn't became edge because she bearly drank & it wasn't effecting her life. I can however say honestly (knowning how pompus it may sound) I couldn't get married to (or be in a serious relationship with) someone who drank often & smoked. & drug addicts go without saying. Even with a great personality, etc those standards are crucial for me in a partner.
Im straight edge and my girlfriend isnt. i love the girl, we hang out all the time an i love being with her.All our friends smoke,party,ect. When we first started going out i told her i would try an deal with her "lifestyle", she stopped smoking weed an cigarettes before we started going out so i thought i could look past drinking, but idk when i would see her drink i would just get so pissed off/disappointing. i couldn't sit by an watch her do that shit. So it stated to become an issue real fast. I told her i didn't want her to be edge cause of me but i couldn't be with something that did that shit, and that is was disrespectful that she would do it knowing i hate it more then anything.Now she doesn't do that stuff but idk sometimes she trys to convince me that im wrong. I hold firm to my opinion but she trys to make me feel bad. I would love to be with this girl forever but to be honest i dont know whats gunna happen.
I have a girlfriend of almost a year that isn't edge. We get along great, and I love this chick to death. For me, though, I knew her back when she was straight edge too, in high school. After high school, we got together and things were great. But now, she drinks socially. It's...difficult. I don't know if that's a bad thought or not. I try my best to deal with it, but when you liked someone back when they were edge, and then deal with the change, its difficult. I wanted to know if it should be. or if i should just get over it. I'm 19 btw and we've been together for a year.
@anonymous: Do you have friends that drink and does that bother you? Does it bother you because you want her to be healthy and not poison herself or does it bother you because she changed?
You need to ask yourself is this more about you or or and if also how far do you see yourself in this relationship.
If you love her and she's not abusing alchohol or becoming violent or mean or anything then it just comes down to whether you can live with it.
I feel like my relationship is falling apart because I'm Edge and my girl isn't. I love her, with all my heart. She used to have issues with drugs and alcohol before we dated but she got a lot better. She still drinks sometimes. She smokes a lot of weed and is in the process of quiting cigs. I don't mind the smoking. The alohol changes the way she is and the way she acts to a point where I get uncomfortable. Everythime I tell her I feel uncomfortable we argue cause she gets angry. She doesn't understand the negative effects it has on her and I have to deal with it. Well, I don't have to I just choose to cause I do love her but I feel like if it doesn't get better I might leave her.. anyone with advise for me just email me JasonTravis93@gmail.com. thanks. #NYEdgeHead
Hey, I know you posted this a while ago, but I'm having a hard time with this right now and wanted to talk to someone.
The guy I'm currently dating presented himself as someone who didn't really drink and did not smoke whatsoever. Now, 1.5 years later I guess his "true self" has started to show through: he started drinking every day, getting extremely drunk once to several times per week, at which point he acts like a complete jerk. Now it turns out he has been smoking cigarettes the whole time and didn't want me to know because he knows I hate it.
I dated someone who smoked weed every day and got drunk on occasion for over a year and a half and never had a problem with it. He was always nice, respectful, coherent, fun, and decent. It can work. This is something else.
I don't think I can be with someone who smokes cigarettes, likes drinking this much, and gets so bad when he gets drunk. The shitty thing is that I moved to another state with this guy. I'm studying to take my CPA exams here. I'm trying to suck it up and just get this done, but it's damn hard.
Elvia: I think you need to get yourself out of this relationship as fast as you can. You need to find a friend or someone you can stay with so you can focus on your CPA Exams and not worry about this liar.
I'm in a relationship of nine months, and I'm an edge girl. I live my boyfriend more than anything, but in the past I've had bad experiences with boyfriends getting drunk and being mean. My boyfriend rarely drinks, but when he does I get this tightness in my chest, almost fear and anxiety, that things are going to go badly. I have yet to see him drunk, but I'm nervous I won't overcome my fear of being with someone that drinks. It sounds silly to others, so I came here where people may get it
If you love your partner and they love you then be open and honest with them. Tell them about the anxiety you get and hopefully they will think about that before they decide to drink. If they can't then they aren't the right person for you.
Reading all these comments really helped me with my situation... thank you everyone.
I'm not sxe but you b.f is and to be honest when we was first dating and he said he was I loved it as it ahowsed me a lot about him that he wanted to be a better person and being Edge for 6 years showed me he has life goles and so on I found him being Edge super attractive! Apart from being carful about not cooking with anything that has alcohol in it there isn't a difference between dating a Edge guy or not. We still have fun with mates and go out to gigs he has no problem with me drinking and I have no problem with being Edge in fact I prefer it. X X x
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